February 2012
1 post
Bette was on Castle?!? Why wasn’t I informed!
January 2012
2 posts
Goal for the day? Just get out of bed.
December 2011
24 posts
1 tag
Why is it that when I get my shit together at work my personal life goes down the drain?
Anonymous asked: You're cute :)
We started talking again today. And I’m already scared out of my mind. I’m going to try and not ruin you this time, but only if you promise to try not to ruin me too.
Nice and slow, little by little. With us, its all a battle. But I’d rather fight with you, then smile with anyone else.
Things you dont want to hear from your HOA
HOA: Yeah, we've gotten several complaints about your posting for free crack on your porch.
Me: Oh really?
HOA: Yeah. Do you know the history of this house?
Me: No, I don't at all.
HOA: Well it used to be an ACTUAL crack house.
Me: Oh, well in that case, we'll take it down.
HOA: Thanks, this neighborhood doesn't need to see another crack bust.
Anonymous asked: I wish I lived with you and your roommates!
Damn I wish that taco place down the street delivered.
Roommate: Oh god! You know what I found out today? I'm ovulating! Thats a thing you know.
Me: Yeah, well you do have ovaries
Roommate: Well, it makes you crazy horny. Like this morning, I was having a dream. And I woke up mid-jizz. My hands weren't even down there!
imalsoaunicorn-maybeabicorn:
hey guys can I have a hug too
hey guys remember when I sang I kissed a girl
so do you know when im going to get another line
hey guys im still here
hey guys
Cause summer wasn’t summer, till I met you
We didn’t get the time that we were due
Oh and I’m not finished yet
We only got the start, and I want all the rest
My mom and I are in the pantry over Thanksgiving break and she asks me what I’m in the mood for. I tell her, I dont really care. She says, Well I know you like tuna. I have three cans right here. I told her… yeah… I guess tuna is fine. She says well I’m not making tuna. I just want YOU to know that I know you like it. And then she pranced away.
November 2011
33 posts
A few weeks ago I went home for a visit to see my parents in Houston. Well, Madre and Padre like magaritas. A LOT. So they go and get trashed while I stay at home and watch TV.
They walk back inside, drunk, and the first thing my mom says to me is: WHERE IS YOUR FUCKING GIRLFRIEND.
I was stunned. I haven’t told my parents that I’m gay yet (even though I know they know), and I knew...
Me terri and alyssa are sitting on the porch and I decide it was time we staged our first fight.
Me: Alyssa, come over here and say that shit to my face bitch! (as loud as i can)
Alyssa: I said it right here, do something bout it!
Terri: I’M GOING TO RIP YOUR CUNT OFF!!
—-me and alyssa just look at each other
Me: Woah… Terri… pump the breaks.
Victoria Secret fashion show. It’s halfway over… but still. I’m damn excited for this shiiii
Finn, I can’t decide if you’re a titbag or if you’re the sweetest guy ever.
